Caution: consider this post conversational, not enlightening. I have no one else to talk to at the moment so here you go, internet, I have to get a few words out of my head. Let’s start with a list of things I noticed during my blogging hiatus:
- When I go grocery shopping for seven specific things I put on my list, I spend $167 and some change. There are many extra items that then require residence in this stupid house that has no closets or cupboard space. Therefore, grocery shopping is hazardous to both my kitchen and my wallet and I should just stop it.*
- When I return home from grocery shopping I always remember one pertinent thing I didn’t pick up.
- I am a horrible, terrible, no-good housekeeper. (And I don’t care.)
- I start a million things and I finish none of them.**
- I need a haircut and an eyebrow shaping and have neither the will nor the oompf to make the appointment.
- There is a new splash of hair colour from a home hair colouring kit on my 60+ year old bathtub, and I care less than not at all because the paint is chipping anyway and the mold won’t go away.
- I want and need another money jar so we can go on vacation after hockey season is over but I have neither the will nor the oompf to look for an empty jar, or the piles of change in various corners of the house.
- Grade 3 confuses me.
- I fell off the no-wine-till-Friday wagon on Wednesday and I don’t care***
- I miss writing.
*Today’s grocery bags are still at the entrance. Only the perishables have been put away. I’d rather blog than deal with lack of cupboard space.
**This includes many blog posts that are sitting nice and quiet in my draft folder.
***The wine was delicious.
There is a lot of stuff percolating in my brain but none of it seems very coherent. I try to chalk it up as first-world problems (meaning, in the grand scheme of things, my problems are rather inconsequential and simply require some focus and determination to overcome) as well as perhaps a case of January- or winter-blues. I’m not exactly depressed, just unmotivated and overwhelmed with the amount of work this house needs to make it practical and livable again. We have some serious decision making to prepare for this coming spring. I can hardly wait, it’s been a long time coming. It’s just so hard to keep things functioning and functional when everything around you is falling apart (and yes, I probably make it sound more drastic than it really is, because that is just my nature). Still, it weighs on me, and it takes a lot of effort and energy just to keep this family from falling apart amongst the clutter and disarray. Ultimately the kids can still take baths in the chipped paint bathtub, and I can still walk on a floor with scratches on it, and if I have to wipe the condensation off the windows every single day to prevent new mold from growing in the corners or damaging the wood, well, so be it. I don’t need dishes or glasses to match each other (even though sometimes I really do wish I could have a nicer-looking table when company is over), and the chairs will hold another few months if I tighten the screws along the bottom.
We’re not replacing anything because we either need to move, or renovate. Either way, we have to wait till the spring. How many months more is that? Four, maybe five? Sigh.
Sometimes I just get tired of everything looking and feeling so drab. And the recent cold snap hasn’t helped; we’ve spent way too much time indoors, and as a result I have not supervised the amount of media the kids consume. Heck, all I want to do is watch tv, or surf the web myself, let them play minecraft or watch their animal shows. Whatever.
What I did do when I updated my January calendar with all its activities and school obligations was book them into another activity. Why not? Swim lessons are part of life, both kids haven’t had lessons for over a year, and why not go out and do an active activity instead of sit at home and watch a show. Let them swim, or skate, or do gymnastics. We can lay off the activities again in the summer, like last year, and enjoy free, unscheduled time outdoors then.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go put the groceries away, prepare for hockey practice later, and maybe get a shower in, too. The good news is, it’s Friday and I can consume wine without guilt.