Post toilet-training sagas

So your kid is finally toilet trained. He’s out of diapers, pees and poops on his own using the proper facilities, mostly remembers to wash up afterwards, and sleeps through the night without wetting his bed.

Great, you think.

Except, the saga continues in oh so many more ways. Ways you never thought about BEFORE you had babies. And toilet-training-aged kids.

Here’s my list of how the saga continues:

First
Pooping ALWAYS happens during mealtimes. You FINALLY get to sit down, take a sip of your very delicious wine, take your fork into your hand, eat one bite of the still hot food, when the ordeal starts:

3yo: Mommy, I have to make poops.
me: Ok, go ahead, you know where the bathrooms is.
3yo: But mommy, I need you to watch me make poops.
me: Go ahead, call me when you’re ready for wiping.
3yo: But mommy, I NEED you to STAY with me….!!!
Me: (look of exasperation, a quick few pulls of wine, a longing look at the still hot food)

Second
If by some miracle pooping doesn’t happend during mealtimes, it happens during the next meal preparations. Particularly during a messy part, like when you use your hands to mix up ground beef to make hamburgers.

Third
Pooping requires an audience. The request comes in like this:

3yo: Mommy, I have to make poops.
me: Ok, go ahead
3yo: But mommy, I need you to watch me make poops.
me: You go ahead and get started, I’ll be right there.
3yo: Mommy, look what I made!
3yo: Mommy, this is a stinky one, let’s flush it now before you wipe me.
3yo: Mommy, did you see how many I made? A whole family of poops!
(this goes on for some time)

Fourth
The bribes used during toilet training are by no means forgotten. In fact, it is essential that you keep them handy for the forseeable future. Because inevitably, the refrain will sound something like this:

Mommy, always after poops we have candy.  But mommy, we ALWAYS have candy after poops. Mommy, daddy says we get a new car after pooping…

Edited to add:

Fifth
Then there is the dribble situation. He’s a boy, but he pees sitting down. He won’t use a training seat anymore, or a step, so I’m left to wonder how he gets the drops of pee on the toilet seat. I guess this is practice for me for when he pees standing up and, um, aims.

Sixth
Perhaps this is a mom thing, because I have noticed that it doesn’t seem to bother his dad. But what is it with the twisted underwear? I guess I shouldn’t complain since he gets himself back together after peeing, but I cringe when I see his crooked pants. You know, the zipper kind of off to the side…so then I inevitably crouch down to help fix the pants, which leadsme  to noticing that his underwear is all bunched up…doesn’t that stuff bother him? It bothers me just looking at him dressed like that…

I never imagined that this situation would continue on, and on, and on…Now my next question is this: when exactly do you start teaching your offspring to wipe? And since we’re asking questions, when exactly is a mother “secure” in trusting her kid to wipe properly, then clean up properly afterwards? Should I be teaching him to wipe now?

So while the 3yo is doing all of the above, I started the 9 month old on this.

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