I know I’m a little late to be writing to you now, but this is the first chance I’ve had all December to pick up a pen. Do you have an email address? This would expedite things a tad for me.
Actually, I’m writing to you to let you know that this year, you don’t have to bring me a gift. In fact, what I need from you is something completely different, for a change. What I need is for you to come by and take something away.
I need for you to take away my post-nasal drip. I would really appreciate it if that could be arranged. Maybe you can even make an early trip, or send one of your elves, because frankly I’m not sure I can hold out until Christmas day.
This post-nasal drip has kept me awake too many consecutive nights, what with the coughing fits I’ve had. I know what you’re thinking. I know you feel that after 14 months of not sleeping anyway, this coughing-attack in the middle of the night is something I’m used to already. But I’m telling you, I really need your help here. I’m going through immense amounts of tissues, honey, lemon and decaffeinated tea. And none of it is working. What do you want me to do? Get stoned on some over-the-counter drug? Get drunk? I’m pretty much up for anything just to make this hacking stop.
Listen Santa, I’ve been good all year. I’ve been tending tirelessly to children who don’t sleep through the night, children who whine incessantly, husbands who are absent often, and never-ending renovations around this place. I’ve been grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning like the good girl you know I am. I’ve not neglected the dog, which just goes to show how MUCH I do for everyone else around here.
But look, not being able to catch an hour or two of rest without hacking, I have to say that I’m pretty close to a very deep, dark cliff here. Pretty soon, I won’t be able to put up with the facade anymore. There’s no telling what I might do. Just hope that the kidlets don’t look at me a certain way during one of my sleep-deprived zombie-like states or there’s no telling what might happen. And don’t get me started on DH. Even though he’s been very helpful during the last few weeks of misery, he IS the only other adult around here and will probably get the brunt of my tirade. Not that he should take it personally. But I’ll deal with him later.
I’m just trying to draw you a picture here. Momma is NOT happy. And Momma has a headache the size of Quebec.
So if you could find it in your heart to help me out, I’d really appreciated it.
Thanks so much in advance.