Growing old(er) together

I read someplace that as partners in a relationship grow old(er) together, the likelyhood that they begin to resemble one another increases dramatically.

I can’t remember if this resemblance was meant in terms of the physical sense, or more in an emotional sense, but I’m beginning to think that there may be some truth to this suggestion.

Either that, or I’m psychic.

Or maybe I just learned over years of cohabitation the ins and outs of what makes him tick.

So anyway, I’m busy making lunch in the kitchen, and DH putters around getting ready to pick up the 3yo at Montessori. They should be back in time for lunch, which today isn’t the usual (soup, or cheese and crackers, or leftovers). It’s something I’m making that requires heating in the toaster oven, which is why I timed my cooking activities in such a way that it will be ready when they get home in 20 minutes.

Except, he calls 10 minutes after he left.

And the EXACT minute I pushed the burritos into the toaster oven, which was PRECISELY the minute prior to the phone ringing, I had a feeling that lunch would be delayed today.

“Hi hon…dramatic pause…um, we’re gonna go to Staples, there’s something I need to pick up there.”

It’s good that he called. I used to be upset when he would go out to run errands without telling me ahead of time. Not just because I WANT to know where he’s going with the 3yo, since this may affect Benjamin’s afternoon (“daddy bought me onion rings/ice cream/french fries at Ol’ Macdonalds!”), but also out of common courtesy. I mean, I’m making a special lunch today, so I deserve to know if no one will be around to eat it.

And not only that, depending on where he was going, I might have had a list, or at least a request (“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Canadian Tire? That’s the only place where they have the scent-free HE detergent and we need some…”). That kind of thing.

I once asked him why he was so secretive about his errands. From what I gather, and he didn’t come right out and say so, it has to do with me not necessarily being happy about him spending money on things I feel we should not be spending money on. For example, if he needs something from Home Depot, he really should run it by me first since I’m the one cleaning and organizing the new basement and would know more readily than him

a) if we already own such an item, or
b) where the item is located

It just irks me when he buys things we already have at home. Yes, it’s a pain in the yahoo to have to go look for it, but there it is. Just tell me if you’re planning on going someplace, ok?

(He got it.)

But back to the resemblance. I don’t know what it is, and this isn’t a conscious thing that is happening to me, but I seem to sense, in some way, that a trip like this is about to occur. Is it in the body language? The expression on his face when he’s mentally justifying to himself (and later to me) why he had to go there to buy that? Is it the way he wanders around the house looking for things like socks even though he’s already wearing them?

It’s not like I consciously say to myself “hey, he’s doing that thing, he must be planning on going someplace after pickup”. It’s just a feeling that I get. Like intuition, or a hunch. And it usually appears just before he calls to announce his intending errand. 

It’s just weird, is all I’m saying.

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2 thoughts on “Growing old(er) together

  1. I know exactly what you mean Javamom, as I have experienced this kind of ‘feeling’ or awareness many times too. In time it will not seem weird anymore as this is more our natural state as sensitive beings. It’s just that everyday living gets in the way and we find it hard to tune in to our own awareness sometimes.

    Warmest regards, Diana.

  2. Hay JM,

    Happens here on a regular basis. We have a theory in our house that I am a very strong ‘transmitter’ and DH and the kids are good ‘receivers’.

    Hardly a week goes past when there isn’t an incident of ‘mind reading’ of note in our house. Even the 5 year old is getting in on the act.

    I agree with Diana, we all have it in us but the signals get scrambled by the noise of life.

    DH regularly raises topics of conversation or asks innocuous questions about subjects within minutes of me thinking about them.

    It’s darn right eery some times.

    I have even taken to practicing to do it on purpose.

    When we are out driving around town and DH is day-dreaming and sitting in the slow lane. I sit in the passenger seat, sending him a mental mantra. “Change lanes, change lanes, change lanes….” Doesn’t work. hee hee

    My ‘transmitter’ only seems to work involuntarily, not when I am trying too hard.

    Australia x

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