Mourning…what exactly?

Is this the end or the beginning? I’m not sure…What am I supposed to feel?

Sonja had her inauguration meet-and-greet at in the toddler’s classroom at the Montessori today. The same classroom where her older brother spent one and a half year. With two of the same teachers.

Sonja knows the school. We’ve dropped off and picked up Benjamin upteen times last year and she was always a smidgen disappointed that she couldn’t stay and play with the materials or the children.

Well, now she can. And she did today. She couldn’t wait to get started.

So now I’m a parent of two school-attending children. Even though one is in a daycare and technically still a toddler, and the other only in junior Kindergarden, they’re still both out of the house in a school-type setting for at least part of the day several times a week.

One minute I’m jumping for joy. Coffee and computer without interruption! Shower without interruption! Picking my nose without interruption if I just so happen to be inclined to do that (I don’t do that, I use a kleenex and retreat into a bathroom, but I CAN if I want to since I am not role-modeling that behaviour in front of THEM. So there).

After contemplating my joy, I felt a quiet dread emerging. Maybe I want to have a new baby now to replace the last one? What exactly am I mourning here? The end of parenting small children?

Next Tuesday marks the beginning of my new life. Or the end of an old life. 


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