Trepidation

I like working.

I do not like working only 90 minutes per day…alas, that is all I can do when the house is child free.

Having said that, I would not want to work 8 hours per day, either. I don’t think I can edit a manual for so many hours straight…after a while I cease to see things. Editing is tedious work, and time away from the words is essential. Attention to detail, catching non-standardized items across several chapter, it requires an alert brain.

My brain is not alert in the afternoon. Certainly not in the evenings….

Right now things are less than optimal on the work front since the 90 minutes is an issue. Having said that, I will gladly take the 90 minutes per day than not work at all, and not just for the pay part of it. It’s nice to be able to think about something other than laundry or ‘what’s for dinner’. And there are some days when I can get 4 hours in, be it a Thursday when Sonja has her grandmother and gymnastics, or maybe a weekend day where dad is taking the kids to the park.

Next year is a turning point. Sonja will be entering grade 1, and that will free up my day significantly. But I fret already – will I find myself procrastinating more? Feel less motivated? Will I end up becoming a shopper? (I hope not. I hate shopping).

Today, I looked at my to-do-list and I think ‘how did I ever imagine I would be able to keep it all together?’. There’s the dog sitting (she’s easy, and I get bonus exercise which on a nice day is lovely but on a rainy/cold day sucks). There’s the Kindergarten-girl pick-up that happens right when I’m smack in the middle of editing a complicated flow chart for work. There’s the growing pile of laundry I can’t ignore on my way downstairs to pick up a sheet off the printer (yay for wireless printing)…so stop and throw something in the wash on the detour. There’s the beckoning sunshine and the dog-park…then the pick-up of kids at school, followed by the switching of some of the kids with another family for the endless playdate requests. The dinner question…then the drop off of the dog, combined with the drop off of the one kid and the pick up of the other…

Homework.
Whining.
Eating.
Wiping up spilled stuff.
Cleaning up.
Bath time.

The endlessness.

I should have had kids ten years earlier. Maybe I’d be able to handle the sheer volume and exhaustion better if I was younger.

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One thought on “Trepidation

  1. Your day = my day. I said to someone recently that I’m kind of looking forward to my youngest being in grade 1 next year, so I can get my day better organized and work more effectively, and they were horrified that I wasn’t cherishing every moment. And I suppose it’s true what they say, no one on their death bed ever wished they’d worked more, but I like it, it’s important to me, and it will feel good to be able to focus. For now though, I’ll take what I can get!

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