Mean

If certain people around here don’t stop calling me mean, I’m going to take it personally and start acting that way.

That ice-cream box in the freezer that is waiting for an ‘ice-cream day’ to be opened and celebrated along with the first signs of spring? I’m gonna open it, have some, and NOT SHARE.

That is mean, and since I’m mean I may as well act it.

Or I may light the little chimenea out back, and toast a marshmellow on it, even though I hate marshmellows, and eat it with some chocolate, and not offer any to them, because I am mean and they keep telling me so I may as well act mean.

I didn’t make them breakfast, just put some bowls out for cereal. She cried, wanted toast…I pointed but it wasn’t enough. But then again, I’m mean, so I thought I should act accordingly. (I know, I’m so mature…)

I’m tired. I’ve had a stiff neck and headache for two days and it has worn me down. I said “mommy isn’t feeling well” but they don’t care. Or if they do, they don’t show it. This is when I’m reminded of my big, school-aged kids still being, and acting like self-absorbed toddlers. But my back was too sore from the stiff neck radiating down to care. All I wanted was someone to acknowledge my pain and say or do something, anything, nice for me, and when it didn’t happen (surprise, surprise), I started feeling sorry for myself.

I dropped them off this morning at school without conversation. She tried to hold my hand but I left mine in my pocket and she squeezed her hand in it too. For her it was enough, but then, she got what she wanted (her hand in mine) and it didn’t matter that my subtle attempt to indicated that I am walking them to school against my will was the message I was trying to convey.

She is a child.

He carried his own knapsack. He didn’t even bother asking me, or telling me, or hurling his bag at me to carry it for him like he usually does. He picked up on my silence and mood. I can guarantee however that he carried his own bag because he knew I wouldn’t, not because he assumed that the pain in my neck/head/back made any difference at all.

He is a child.

And I am an immature parent who plays these stupid games.

They got no kisses. I just stood and waited while they went in. Did they miss my affectionate goodbye? If they did, they didn’t show it.

Maybe I’m wasting my time here.

Whatever. It is what it is. Luckily my mom came and she will pick up Sonja at Kindergarten and then take her to her gymnastics class. I am going to stay home and not think about them. Maybe I’ll even have some ice-cream (I don’t really like ice-cream). Definitely I’m going to make myself a cup of tea.

I need a break.

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One thought on “Mean

  1. I 100% endorse your attempts to communicate to your children that you will not accept their unappreciative treatment of you. We are currently using the Dr Kevin Leman technique in this house. I like it a lot. It remove all the SHOUTING!!!

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