Good afternoon. I have an announcement to make:
I have crumbs.
That’s it. That’s my announcement.
If you are a first-time pregnant lady reading this post, please get up and walk around your house right now. Keep your head down and your eyes open. Look at your floor. Specifically, look at your carpeting. Area rugs, mats, wall-to-wall….look at ALL of it.
If the colour of these floor coverings are anything other than the colour of crumbs, you will have to do one of two things when you have offspring running around the place:
- lower your expectations and accept that crumbs, dust and assorted associated detritus is part of your decorations, or
- hire a live-in housekeeper.
No matter what I do, including leaving the vacuum cleaner on the main floor in a conspicuous location (i.e. if you don’t trip over it everytime you turn around, the location needs to be improved), the crumbs come back the minute I turn my back.
Want pictures? Be happy to oblige. Here you go:
May I introduce the Sticky Table Crumbs. This particular crumb is hard to get rid of because each time a family member uses the table, new crumbs magically appear. The ones in the picture below belong to parmesan cheese which we used on spaghetti last night. Why are they still on the table the next day you ask? I have no idea. I wiped the table down….although, come to think of it, there is the cheese container. Some kid must have played with it.
The sticky table crumbs don’t have to be food related, although most often they are. Sometimes the crumbs come from erasers, potting soil, glitter glue, bits of paper or any other crumb-making material that someone had on the table during non-meal times.
The next offending Crumb is the Unidentifiable Carpet Crumbs. They are particularly visible on dark-coloured carpets, like my cranberry-coloured area rug.
I don’t know what the crumbs are. They could be residual from shoes or crocks worn outside and then inside, they could be related to pets, they could be…I don’t want to know. This is why I keep the vacuum cleaner handy.
Then we have the Outdoor Crumb. This one needs an attitude adjustment, since clearly it doesn’t understand the difference between outdoor and indoor.
Pebbles, bark, dirt and other related icky stuff should remain outside at all times. Remember my stack of towels post? Outdoor crumbs may, if they must, stick to the towel when a towel is used to wipe ones’ feet or paws (and a towel should always be used when entering the premises). The offending outdoor crumb can then return to its former home when I shake the towel out on the porch WHICH IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR also known as THE OUTSIDE.
Then we have the Kitchen Crumb detritus. This one is my least favorite because each time anyone walks through the kitchen they kick the crumbs around the entire floor.
Add to that any wet dirt from shoes left on when coming in the house on a rainy day, or from spills both liquid (juice, milk) or dry (cereal, crackers, cookies) and the crumb situation will quickly get out of control. This doesn’t even include the crumb-producing activity called cooking, which is a whole other thing. The worst part about the kitchen crumbs is the need to clean it up immediately if you don’t want it to reproduce into fuzzy mold.
Last but not least there is the Kitchen Crumb detritus’ cousin the Under-the-stove-hard-to-reach crumb. Save from moving the stove and sweeping, vacuuming and mopping that spot, you’re gonna have to live with this one.