Conflicts

I feel conflicted.

On the one hand, I can’t wait for both kids to be at school full-day so I can pursue my writing career. I seem to be most creative whenever I have umpteen things on the go and right now, with one or the other kid always around, I can’t seem to find two consecutive minutes to jot down my thoughts in a concrete, logical manner.

On the other hand I fear I’ll dry up completely as soon as their gone. This has happened to me before and most people who blog understand that this is part of it. Blog fodder exists in every nook and cranny of a parent’s life, but….sometimes it just won’t come to you.

I have an idea in my head about writing a book. I have the title, and ideas, fully formed, and I can go back to this blog for oodles of fodder to help me organize the chapters.

I itch to get started…except I can’t today. Both kids are home and although watching tv (whatever, sue me), I know that the silence won’t last long.

Plus I am sick. Ben, too is sick, and the reason he’s home in the middle of the afternoon (although he is not so sick anymore, and I could have, theoretically, sent him to school in the afternoon). In my defense, I’m happy to not have to rush off again today. There has been so much rushing off to one thing or another for the past 8 months I simply welcome the chance to not have to go anywhere. On purpose, I mean. It’s not like I’m a prisoner in my home, I can choose to leave any time I feel like it.

It’s the “oh crap it’s 3:30 already, gotta go get a kid” thing, or “we’re having dinner at 4:30, hockey starts in an hour” thing that I don’t have to deal with today.

AND I LIKE IT.

Anyway, next year the kids will be in school all day but I know for a fact that I won’t be able to dedicate all of the free time to write my book. I will have to get some sort of paying gig to supplement the mounting expenses that come with raising competitive athletes. I will have a busier schedule with activities than I did this year for the simple fact that Sonja will no longer be doing her activities in the afternoon while Ben is still in school. THAT was the nice thing about half-day Kindergarten – she got to do her gymnastics and swim lessons then. But with her starting grade 1, that will no longer be the case.

So already, my child-free time will be occupied with meal planning to accommodate the activity schedules. Meal planning includes grocery shopping, and prepping…it’s time consuming. I will have to be extremely organized.

Don’t know if I can do that. Something is bound to fall down.

Then there’s the whole moving thing. His job is officially starting at the new location in January and the union is still battling out the details of how this will work for the employees. Currently we have a house that needs major cosmetic TLC and the time is simply not available. Or, I should say, I lack the propulsion to focus on painting walls and tearing up broken tiles. I’d rather sit here and plan my book…or finally get outside and putter around out there. It’s been a LONG winter and I crave sunshine and warmth…

I’ll keep notes, for now, and see what happens come September.

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