The stress is killing me.
The mirror falling on my child’s head in the ancient bathroom just started a slew of more crappy stuff going on around here. It seems like we’re in the depth of a really deep pit and desperately trying to climb out.
Time for some perspective.
Some people who have a deep faith in a type of religion will use this faith to help them gain footing at a time when it feels like the ground is shaking. I don’t have a chosen religion to rely on, but every once in a while you have to look for the little signs to help guide you back onto your path. Take today:
Driving to the first grocery store specifically for its free boxes proved to be a trip in vain as there were no boxes at that store. I got back in the car and drove to the other side of the neighbourhood to the other same type of store which had ample boxes available. I was able to shop for the few items I needed and pack them into three times as many boxes as I usually select for the simple reason that this will help propel me back to my momentum of CLEARING and PURGING this place into emptiness. (Renovations…)
As I packed my boxes with my food items, the cashier woman came over and took my package of buns and said “I noticed the register didn’t give you the 50% off sale price”. I was distracted by my boxes so I didn’t even notice it (even though I specifically picked those buns because of the sale sticker) and chalked it up to “oh well, it’s about 80 cents, it’s not the end of the world”. Well the cashier walked over to the other cash, entered it into that cash, and came back with change which she handed to me. “Here’s your money back for the sale” she said.
I thought it was a nice gesture. Sometimes, it’s the little things like that which help to tip the balance back into equilibrium.
As I pushed my cart into the parking lot, a gust of wind blew off the few empty boxes I had on top. I chased after them while an old man with a walking stick made a small movement to help me before realizing that it may not be the best idea for his own safety. I recognized the look on his face, the look of “I’d help you, but…” so I just said “don’t worry, I got it” and continued on.
He could have fallen, or worse, got hit by a car trying to chase after flying boxes in a parking lot. Sigh.
The gust of wind must have blown in some rain clouds. As I’m driving home I see the sky getting darker. Although I did have my rain coat with me, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to unloading my grocery boxes in the pouring rain. Alas, the rain held off, and just as I locked the van and entered the house with my final box, the heavens opened and it poured like a monsoon.
Made it inside just in time.
Too bad I didn’t remember that I had left the guinea pig outside earlier (he has an enclosed outdoor cage so he can nibble grass)….but even that turned out to be not a big issue, since he found a corner underneath a quick-dry blanket that allowed him to stay sheltered. He looked like he actually enjoyed watching the rain fall down…
So why am I all stressed? Well, the house situation. The meeting with the architect. Realizing that in order to achieve improvement I will have to make certain concessions. The fact that renovations are costly and that we already feel like we’re stretched to the limit. The fact that given the past week we just had, I count my lucky stars that I was around and available, as a stay-at-home-mom, to pitch in the endless kids-related stuff when DH got stuck in traffic and snowstorms. I often feel like I’m not valued for my contribution here, since so often, value is attributed a fiscal term, but once again, it’s my own perspective I have to hang on to (well, not the negative one). I value my availability…even if it’s being taken for granted by others.
Which doesn’t make it any less stressful.
So…now that the sun has come out again, it’s time to get back to my still empty boxes. Perhaps purging and cleaning out stuff around here will prove cathartic, which can only mean that my wine glass tonight will look half FULL, rather than half empty.